We watched the service from Mosaic Church from Lake Lure this morning, October 17, 2021. Pastor Naeem preached on baptism. I thought this would be just a half-listened to, inspirational sermon. After all, I grew up in the church, I love symbolism, I process things deeply, and I knew what baptism is and what is has been for me. I do know what it has been for me, but I realized that the way I thought of it was both right and wrong, and processed both deeply and not deeply enough. I was baptized as an infant and confirmed into the faith and the United Methodist Church at 13. I have always considered this my “real” baptism because I took it very seriously. I was doing a few things:1) Confessing both my sin and publicly making this faith my own. No longer was my faith something my parents or Sunday School teachers taught, but I was now responsible for following Christ as a choice 2) Joining the church as a fully invested person 3) Understood the symbolism of sprinkling that was used at the infant baptism as Christ’s blood washing away my sins. Today my understanding became deeper and I realized I missed something. Dying to self and raised to life in Christ. Not that I haven’t understood this as part of my faith, just that I didn’t connect it with my baptism or confirmation. (For me, Confirmation was my “real” baptism,as my understanding is different from the doctrine of the UM Church, even though the water wasn’t used on this occasion) The scripture today came from Matthew’s description of Peter walking on the water ( as I could see the lake through the picture window) toward Jesus, becoming afraid of the wind, sinking, then Christ pulls him from the water and takes him back to the boat, as the wind dies down. Pastor Naeem highlights that Jesus took Peter back to the boat. It isn’t really emphasized in the text. But Peter was drowning in his own righteousness. He thought he “got it”. But when he saw the wind, he doubted. Jesus had to pull him up and take him to safety. Peter had to walk with Jesus back to the boat, he couldn’t do it on his own. In this way, baptism about dying to my own righteousness and abilities and identity, to walk with Christ in His righteousness, in His power. It is NOT just confessing my sin, or just stating my belief. It is a vow, a commitment to whom I will follow, in whom I will trust. I haven’t told but a few people that I believe God has told me He will heal me. I don’t know exactly what that means: living longer than the statistic prognosis? Full remission? A combo of the two? Partial remission that I’m already experiencing? Simply going off chemo for a while? Today I realized that it means opening myself to whatever way in which God wants to use me. To keep my eyes on Him. To live the rest of my life according to where He leads. Again, this isn’t completely a new concept, it is connecting what God has done with what He will do. He will advance His kingdom and He will use me to do so, if I will die to my own righteousness every day. I have been looking at this dumpster fire of a world, thinking it’s good that I wouldn’t be part of it for long. How am I supposed to make a difference if I can’t even go out in the world too much? A blog? That has been my only answer. Yes, maybe. But I have limited God. Put him in a box (or a boat). There is more He has planned and I must be open to and trust in Him.