Had the last diagnostic biopsy yesterday. Will get a treatment plan next week. I'm already over it all. Is that bad? If I have very little time, I don't want to spend it sick, sad, and grieving. Obviously, the sick part is relative, but the pain I have isn't from my stomach. Chemo will make me sick, though. Then I worry that if I don't have it, I'm denying God the opportunity for a miracle. Actually, at this point, I'm still putting the cart before the horse. Until I have a treatment plan, I can't make any informed decision. All I can do is pray for wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit when the time comes.
Jim has been wonderful. He has built fires in the firepit so Katie and I could have friends over in the backyard. He's buying foods he knows I like since I eat much less. Most importantly, he's been affectionate. He plays with my hair, rubs my shoulders, caresses my face, and cuddles because he knows these things calm me. He tells me he loves me often.
Katie and I watch movies and tv together. We share memes. Mostly this happens at night, and the later it is, the sillier we get. Lots of laughter!
Whatever God decides to do, it's not about me. I am not good enough, faithful enough, prayerful enough, anything enough to earn a miracle. God's miracles are about Him- how He displays His glory, to whom, and through what circumstances. I, as a human do not have the information or omniscience to understand how He makes those determinations. I am sorry I did not praise and proclaim the miracle of life I was given (and Katie too) earlier. God used medical technology and my body's healing powers that He created to allow me to raise my daughter to adulthood. That is a miracle. Not everyone has that privilege. I am mightily blessed to share friendship with her, now.
I am happiest when I can forget, even for a moment, that I am currently dying. I want to live every moment I have left.
Jim has been wonderful. He has built fires in the firepit so Katie and I could have friends over in the backyard. He's buying foods he knows I like since I eat much less. Most importantly, he's been affectionate. He plays with my hair, rubs my shoulders, caresses my face, and cuddles because he knows these things calm me. He tells me he loves me often.
Katie and I watch movies and tv together. We share memes. Mostly this happens at night, and the later it is, the sillier we get. Lots of laughter!
Whatever God decides to do, it's not about me. I am not good enough, faithful enough, prayerful enough, anything enough to earn a miracle. God's miracles are about Him- how He displays His glory, to whom, and through what circumstances. I, as a human do not have the information or omniscience to understand how He makes those determinations. I am sorry I did not praise and proclaim the miracle of life I was given (and Katie too) earlier. God used medical technology and my body's healing powers that He created to allow me to raise my daughter to adulthood. That is a miracle. Not everyone has that privilege. I am mightily blessed to share friendship with her, now.
I am happiest when I can forget, even for a moment, that I am currently dying. I want to live every moment I have left.