i didn't have a treatment this week because my white blood cell count was way down. That may be because I've been using my Flonase everyday. So I guess I can choose between breathing and killing cancer. They know I take the stuff. Anyway, usually this would mean going back next week, but that's my birthday, so they're going to let me skip that week. It will have been 4 weeks since my last infusion. I forgot how to feel human (for the Disney fans, "Human Again" is playing in my head). The insurance company didn't approve the CT scan, so that didn't get done, yet. My doctor had to reorder it with a different diagnosis code. I got the call 10 minutes ago that it's been approved, so I will have it before the next infusion on February 2.
I am still not on Facebook. I post some articles I read, but I'm not going to the actual site. I can't deal with it right now. At Twitter, I see some stuff, but mostly look at local meteorologists and fun celebrity tweets. Instagram is best. Most of my Insta is cats and fandoms. LOL I know everyone is shocked by this.
Papa God is still leading me to things I don't want to hear. The latest ties in to my Instagram. I've been in a dark abyss emotionally, and my way of coping is mainly crying, dark humor, sleep, daydreaming, and Instagram, Pinterest, or TV/movies for escapism. I still read my Bible study and pray a lot, but the rest of my day is straight up distraction. Papa God has decided I am escaping too much and developing maladaptive daydreaming, I think. I keep getting messages that I need to "stay in the moment" or "sit with the feelings" or "don't detach from reality". I have always had the tendency to "live in my head" when things get hard. It's a nicer world there and they like me. Not that I think people don't like me in reality, but as the covid cases continue to worsen and my immune system goes down, I can't see the people that like me. I take risks every time I steal a chance. I can't even go to the pharmacy to pick up my own prescriptions anymore. The only time I get out of my house is to walk, which I can only do when the weather cooperates. I text some, but it isn't the same. My family did Zoom over the holidays and I have a video chat with friends this Thursday. I just miss real people. I assume Papa God wants me stay in the real world because the friends in my head are starting to feel more real than real people. I also hate being asked how I feel because it's usually not good but I hate to be reminded of it. PLEASE, if you call, text, or contact me via Twitter or Instagram, ask me about anything other than how I feel. Some suggestions: what tv shows/movies I'm watching, how my story is going, what new project I am working/going to be working on.
Finally, even though I'm not on Facebook, there are two things there you should know about. First, I set up a fundraiser for my birthday for The Kilgoris Project. They build schools, attend to the health of the children in their schools, and offer opportunities for families to better their lives. This NGO also works toward sustainability; most of the paid employees are Kenyans, who know what is best for their community, and they have established some means of generating a bit of income for the schools. Overall, this is a thoughtful and beneficial group to support, if you'd like to give. Also, the GoFundMe campaign is still live, but the money is being moved into an account on a monthly basis until things improve enough for me to travel. Last and definitely least (ha!) I love Cinnabon. That is all.
As always, thank you for your prayers, love, and support!
I am still not on Facebook. I post some articles I read, but I'm not going to the actual site. I can't deal with it right now. At Twitter, I see some stuff, but mostly look at local meteorologists and fun celebrity tweets. Instagram is best. Most of my Insta is cats and fandoms. LOL I know everyone is shocked by this.
Papa God is still leading me to things I don't want to hear. The latest ties in to my Instagram. I've been in a dark abyss emotionally, and my way of coping is mainly crying, dark humor, sleep, daydreaming, and Instagram, Pinterest, or TV/movies for escapism. I still read my Bible study and pray a lot, but the rest of my day is straight up distraction. Papa God has decided I am escaping too much and developing maladaptive daydreaming, I think. I keep getting messages that I need to "stay in the moment" or "sit with the feelings" or "don't detach from reality". I have always had the tendency to "live in my head" when things get hard. It's a nicer world there and they like me. Not that I think people don't like me in reality, but as the covid cases continue to worsen and my immune system goes down, I can't see the people that like me. I take risks every time I steal a chance. I can't even go to the pharmacy to pick up my own prescriptions anymore. The only time I get out of my house is to walk, which I can only do when the weather cooperates. I text some, but it isn't the same. My family did Zoom over the holidays and I have a video chat with friends this Thursday. I just miss real people. I assume Papa God wants me stay in the real world because the friends in my head are starting to feel more real than real people. I also hate being asked how I feel because it's usually not good but I hate to be reminded of it. PLEASE, if you call, text, or contact me via Twitter or Instagram, ask me about anything other than how I feel. Some suggestions: what tv shows/movies I'm watching, how my story is going, what new project I am working/going to be working on.
Finally, even though I'm not on Facebook, there are two things there you should know about. First, I set up a fundraiser for my birthday for The Kilgoris Project. They build schools, attend to the health of the children in their schools, and offer opportunities for families to better their lives. This NGO also works toward sustainability; most of the paid employees are Kenyans, who know what is best for their community, and they have established some means of generating a bit of income for the schools. Overall, this is a thoughtful and beneficial group to support, if you'd like to give. Also, the GoFundMe campaign is still live, but the money is being moved into an account on a monthly basis until things improve enough for me to travel. Last and definitely least (ha!) I love Cinnabon. That is all.
As always, thank you for your prayers, love, and support!